First of all, no hate. I choose to believe people are doing the best with what they know and have at the moment. 

From my own experience, I’ve had managers that I liked personally, but dreaded working for because I felt nitpicked and micromanaged every day. I don’t think they meant it, in fact, I think they even meant well, but I felt frustrated anyway.

This one is for those unwitting micromanage-y managers out there.

P.S. Don’t forget to check out the Start Doing Less worksheet at the bottom of the post!

1. Getting people to participate in meetings is painful.

What is happening 

Maybe collaborative meetings are silent or not attended. Getting people to show work is like pulling teeth. You find yourself voluntelling more than folks volunteering. 

Why this might be happening 

There’s a lacking sense of ownership amongst the team. They’re afraid of showing their work because they don’t want to be wrong- and they are “always” wrong. They don’t feel seen or heard or like their opinions matter. They generally feel disempowered.

What you might be doing, and what you could try next

• Expecting behaviors that your team doesn’t know they are expected to do. State and restate your expectations. Sometimes they literally don’t know that everyone should be showing work X times a month.
• Dismissing ideas – especially if they don’t know the context. Share context whenever possible, you’re exposed to more than they are. And you know how it is, it totally sucks to work hard on something and then hear “oh, because of XYZ, that wouldn’t work.” Cool, wish we knew that before!
• Framing feedback in directives- even if you don’t mean them to be. I especially see this with more junior designers. Be clear in your language when you give feedback, and ask what they heard. There have been many times where I think I’m offering suggestions and prompts to explore, but they take it as “do it like this exactly.” 
• You could be asking for too much, and/or too often. Get a temperature check on how they think these meetings are going. Share the goal of the meeting, assume it could be better and more valuable for them, and then open it up. Let them brainstorm what they’d like to see/would feel supported by/how to make it better. Then try an idea or two out for a few weeks and recheck in. Or consider captainships- rotate the responsibility of running activities and let them experiment.

2. Performance and quality are dropping.

What is happening 

There isn’t much reasoning behind decisions made, or depth to the work. You find yourself asking “What about….,” “Did you consider…” for everything. You find so many errors, mistakes, gaps so often that you feel bad telling them to basically start over – you can feel the morale drop. The effort given and work delivered is begrudging and joyless.

Why this might be happening 

Your team feels like what they do doesn’t really matter, because it’s going to get “torn apart” anyway. They’d rather just be told exactly what you want and save their creative and emotional effort. 

What you might be doing, and what you could try next 

• Giving too much feedback. People start to tune out and shut down once you go past 3 points. Prioritize, what is the big picture? If you notice a ton of spacing issues, point out a couple, then refer to the style guide, ask them to double check, and then move on. Keep it breezy.
• Letting perfect be the enemy of good. Acknowledge the good, celebrate it, then ask what is next. Assume they KNOW there is a next step and let them tell you what it is. “Yes, and” if you think they missed something key.
• Not letting them “fail” prematurely. Sometimes we gotta do it the hard way to learn. If risk is low, let them try and share back what they learned. You might learn something, too!

3. You feel tired. All. The. Time.

What is happening 

Your emotional energy is tapped. You find yourself dreading those collaboration and team meetings. You’re walking on eggshells and apologetic in your feedback. You feel like you need to just do it yourself. You’re frustrated more often than not. Sunday Scaries is an everyday thing.

Why this might be happening  

You’re doing too much! You’re nervous that quality will continue to drop if you step back. Things are not being done how you want it done. You feel frustrated your team is disengaged and that you have to compensate. You’re trying too hard and it’s coming off insincere. Your team is mirroring your thoughts and feelings.

What you might be doing, and what you could try next

• You’re doing all the work. It’s true you’re responsible for the quality of the work, but it’s a problem if your idea of quality can only be achieved by you. To start doing less, start analyzing the things by ambiguity and risk- things that are well defined and low risk if they “fail” are good things to stop doing yourself. Check out this free worksheet to help you get started.
• You’re burnt out- and it’s spreading like wildfire. I’m not gonna get all woo on you, but we tend to attract what we put out. Bad moods inspire bad moods. Blame loves to blame. If you’re burnt out, your team might be picking up on it and are feeling exhausted themselves. If so, it’s time to explore boundaries, breaks, and maybe even a vacation.
• You’re staying in what’s comfortable to you. This is a big one. Check in with yourself – are you distracting yourself with the weeds of individual contributor level work to avoid something that you should be doing at a leadership/manager level? Sometimes we stick to what we know we’re good at when it’s time to start pushing ourselves to level up or are feeling blocked in our own work.

After writing this post, from a place of empathy and support (I hope it comes off that way) and personal reflection, I am 100% sure I have micromanaged a report or two, and definitely a handful of clients. Whoops!

If you find yourself feeling or doing any of the things I listed above, it’s ok. You’re not a bad manager and you’re definitely not a bad person. If you read the whole post, you’ll see you had very good reasons at the time for doing it!

Now, grab the Start Doing Less worksheet, muster up your self-compassion and awareness, and start letting go. You might be surprised at how much better things can get. <3

If this post resonated with you and you think you might want to work with a coach, sign up for a free 30 min coaching consultation and let’s chat!